Blubber Blog

(or What I Did Today To Not Be So Fat)

Friday, July 8, 2011

Ha! Ha! Ha!

If I really want to lose weight, I have to stop eating like this!

Mwa-ha-ha!

Posted by Joe Average Writer at 9:47 PM

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Labels: epic meal time

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Self-imposed Rules and/or Tips That May or May not Be Followed

16. It's easier to not eat ice cream if there isn't any in the house.
15. Even though selling gummi bears in six-pound-bags is legal, it doesn't make it right (for me to eat).
14. Spying an advertisement for all-you-can-eat buffet is not a formal challenge of one's manhood.
13. Just because there is change in the ashtray doesn't mean that I can hit up all the dollar menus on Main Street.
12. It doesn't matter that it only costs 59 cents to add half a pound of fries and a gallon-sized drink; I don't REALLY need them.
11. An open bag of chips is a dangerous bag of chips.
10. When students come into class bearing gifts of food, I don't have to eat it in front of them. I can throw it away when their backs are turned.
9. I can't eat any candy if there isn't any candy in the drawer.
8. When someone offers a free rootbeer float, I am not obligated to partake.
7. Even if someone makes a cake specifically for me, I can still share.
6. One donut left all alone in the box doesn't mean it is lonely; I don't need to comfort it.
5. If it fits in your mouth, it doesn't necessarily equal one bite, i.e. Hostess Snowballs, Hot Pockets, my fist, etc.
4. Just because my kids leave food on their plates, it doesn't mean that I have to be the garbage disposal.
3. If I have a craving for eating something unhealthy, I remind myself that eating laundry soap would be unhealthy, as would sucking on a rusty swingset pole. My urges passes quickly.
2. If there if leftover fettucini alfredo in the fridge, it doesn't always have my name on it.
1. Just because you cook the whole package of bacon doesn't mean you have to eat the whole package (in one sitting).

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