Free Advice

Monday (yesterday) was the beginning of Red Ribbon Week at our school.  The National Junior Honor Society has been put in charge of activities and they have a pretty good program lined up for the week.  Today they had a few guest speakers to address alcohol and tobacco and other substance abuse.  Yesterday was supposed to highlight bad eating habits to stay away from...and so, naturally, they held a pie eating contest.  Of course, right?  It makes perfect sense.

Students were able to put their names in a drawing to participate alongside two teachers for each lunch period.  My self-conscious self and I decided to stay away once the announcements started coming out.  However, nobody else really wanted to do it either.  The students, mostly mine came begging for me to participate.

And, yes, predictably, I took one for the team.  I went down and gobbled an entire double-crusted, store-bought apple pie.  I took my time, but yes, I killed it.  There was no contest.  I was done before the others had hit the half-way point...and I wasn't even hurrying.

It wasn't until later that day that I got my prize: a nice stomach ache that lasted until today.  I mean, it was so bad I only had carrots and celery and pea pods for dinner.

So, I guess you want the advice (if you've kept with me this far).  When engaging in a pie eating contest, do not eat lunch before or after the event.  Also, make sure the pies are of the cream variety so they go down easier (and don't come back with any sort of vengeance).