Bacon Fast

There is no excuse for my lack of posting, so deal with it.

I am going to boldly go where no man in his right mind has gone before.  No, you Star Trek nerds, I’m not following James T. Kirk anywhere.  Remember, if it’s on this blog, it pertains to my belly.  Duh.

I really don’t know how this evil started, but a week or two ago Amy asked if I could go without bacon for a month.  Context: I’m not sure, but I think we were either talking about our giving up carbonation from January until the end of the school year, or perhaps I was salivating over the new Carl’s Jr. Super Bacon Burger.  By the way, they are highly overrated.  They contain the same floppy, soft bacon they always do—nothing super about it, just more of it.  Usually, that’s a good thing, but after eating it I felt like I got hosed.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I answered Amy that I probably could but I wouldn’t want to.  Zac, overhearing said, “That’s stupid.  Why would anyone ever want to?”  (I’ve trained the man cub well.)  And that was the end of the discussion.

Last week, after the last hurrah of the school year, Amy started walking in the mornings again.  Not wanting to be a bigger slacker than I already am, saw that I had a little extra time on my hands (not much), so I started up on the Wii Fit again.  Now, this is the sorry part.  Since last summer, I have not exercised on the Wii more than two times per week (in most cases none) until this week.  I went thrice into the basement to get my rhythmic boxing and step aerobics on.  Add to that some baseball practice and hiking around Maple Lake with the scouts and across town with the stake youth for an activity, and I’ve had a fairly active week.

Yesterday, I weighed in and found that I was back down to 291.  I’m not going to tell you where I’ve been, but let’s just say that I didn’t cross the barrier that must not be named…or really even came too close, if you know what I mean.

After that weigh-in I went to my classroom (Yes, I know I just left it.) to study in its eerie solitude (Let’s just say it could make a good setting for a zombie movie.) for my upcoming comprehensive exams, of which I am mortally terrified.  (I’d rather face the zombies with nothing more than a #2 pencil.)

WARNING: TANGENT OVERLOAD.  THIS BLOG POST WILL DESTRUCT IF ANY MORE TANGENTS ARE UNLEASHED!

Okay, so the point is…somehow I convince myself that I would give up bacon for a month starting today, Sunday, June 2, 2013.  Not even bacon bits sprinkled on top of maple donuts.

Hurl all the insults you want, but somehow my overloaded circuits have convince myself that it will be “good” for me.  It’s become a matter of pride now.  I don’t think there is any prize.  Truth be told, if the dudes from Epic Meal Time ever found out, they would probably demand that I hand over my man card.  Tough.  All I know is that my burger on July 4^th will be loaded with premium smoked pork product—thick sliced.  Plus, there are other manly meat dishes to satisfy my carnivorous cravings.

My hypothesis: I will lose weight, but not due to lack of bacon consumption.  Rather, I will also be test-free and have time to exercise more than normal.

If any of you have any wagers, or encouragement, or advise, please leave them in the comments below.  But remember, if you can’t say anything nice….