Blubber--The Backstory

This is a post about a whale. No!

This is a post about getting skinny. No!

This is a post about me; it's about the story behind the title of this blog, which I so pathetically left to rot for over a month.  And if you think that because I abandoned posting since April it's because I was too embarrassed to write how I wasn't keeping up on my plans, you might be right.  Then again, you're not entirely correct.  But I digress.

When I was ten or eleven, I checked out Judy Blume's Blubber from the base library.  I don't entirely remember what it was about except that a group of girls makes fun of a classmate for being a little overweight, one stands up and ends up ostracized--typical upper elementary bullying-type-stuff.  The picture I've posted might not even be the right one.  I think the one I read had been mutilated and replaced by one of those generic '70s-looking library hard covers that nobody (except book geeks like me) checks out.

 But rambling on, I don't know if it was that or the fact that we had just discovered that one of our favorites types of gum (Felix the Cat) we could purchase off the base in Japan was made from whale blubber.  Whatever it was, my younger brothers started a new tactic of getting under my skin.  I had grown a little pudgier of late.  When fighting, as loving brothers always do, they would stay out of smashing distance, and duck in under my blows, poke me in the stomach and go "blub." It was just irritating at first, but then they started doing it constantly, jumping from around corners to poke the whale.  What made it worse in my ten/eleven-year-old eyes, was that they were hired to be models and I was left out.  I think I started to develop an identity complex.  Don't worry.  I wasn't scarred for life--I don't need extensive therapy or anything.  I just grew up (and out) and came to terms with my massiveness.

Now, I know they didn't mean to cause so much damage, but looking back, I think it did.  And I hesitate to post this, knowing that they might read it.  However, I'm good.  It made me stronger.  And besides, I can still smash them whenever I feel like it.  They are two of my best friends today.  Funny how that works out.  I'm not even going to start to go into all the psychological damage I must have done to them.  I'll save that for later.  The funny thing was, I wasn't even all that big then.  I graduated high school at about 175 or 180 lbs.

Most of the time now, I'm the one who starts in on the fat jokes.  When I went on my mission to Spain, I was self-dubbed one of the Fat Boys (shout out to Eric).  I took pride in my food and my ability to consume and produce mass quantities (with exceptional quality).   When I returned, I weighed in at 230.  It wasn't until after I got married that I ballooned to 270+.  And, no, it's not Amy's fault either.

Honestly, I think most of it is genetic.  I take after my dad's side of the family, sized XXL.  There is a history of health problems which I won't expound upon here.  Lucky me; I've probably inherited all of them.  But here's the clincher--nothing that I can prevent is going to lick me.  Sometimes I get discouraged being the biggest and the strongest (and the slowest and the roundest).  And sometimes I epically fail in my attempts to lose weight and get back into shape.  But I'm gonna keep getting back up until I make a breakthrough.

After the kids finally fall asleep tonight, I'm going to weigh in again and start from scratch.  I'm restarting some exercise, restarting healthier eating, and stop stressing so much about crap I can't control.  Oh, yeah.  I'll post more often, too.

Guess which one of those last statements is the lie.

Watch out world, the whale is going to start shrinking!  He's angry...no..just cranky from bacon withdrawal.